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To help figure out what the "right" amount of time to text is before going on a date, I reached out to online dating experts.
They explain why the timeline between digital and real life contact may be shorter than you think, and how to know when and if you're ready to take that next step. When it comes to making the move from digital chat to real-life chat, my tactic was always to move slowly and really get to know the person well before moving on to setting up an actual date.
“Knowing their favorite band, what they studied in school, or where they’ve traveled to are light and easy subjects for a chat," says Spira.
"Asking how their day is going shows you care." Despite feeling like texting is a medium, Spira warns that it's an illusion.
The other risk you run, Spira says, is creating “a false illusion that you’re already in a relationship.
Until you have the chance to speak with your potential date on the phone and go on a date, you’re in a stage that I call the 'digital pen pal' syndrome.” So yeah, basically every episode of So, if the timeline for texting is a week or less, how much should you actually try to learn about that person before the date?
Should you try and cram in as much fact-finding as possible beforehand, or is less actually more?
Spira says to keep it light in the pre-date text conversations, and suggests limiting it to shared interests and passions.
So, instead of trying to learn the person's life story, she advises, “Keep the texting as a flirting tool to send a good morning or good night text, but not in place of meeting on a date, where the physical chemistry and conversation can allow the heart to open up to the possibilities of forming a relationship.”For Hoffman, it’s even more simple.
“Since singles are chatting with multiple people at a time, after a few days, or a few weeks, the decision to meet will lose its spark, or your digital flirtation might find someone else in the process," Spira tells Elite Daily.
She does agree that “texting is a great way to ramp up your digital flirting with someone you’ve met online,” but says you should limit the amount of time and energy you spend on it before meeting in person.
Since texting is a limited tool to get to know someone before meeting, should you consider other forms of conversation prior to the date? Chlipala says no — head straight into meeting in person, safely.
“In person is the best way to gauge chemistry," she says.