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This aloofness isn’t something I work toward—in fact, I actively try not to have a cold exterior, but it’s a part of who I am. I can be a hard-ass, and I can be snappish and reactive and I take zero shit from anybody.

Part of being with a nice guy is learning to soften for him, particularly when he needs you to be present for him. When I was with guys who weren’t all that nice, this wasn’t a problem. A less-balanced guy might try to charm me into being sweeter, or might take advantage of the situation to create a fight and cause drama.

I didn’t see the pattern then, but once I met Ivan and chose to prioritize this genuinely sweet, caring person in my life, there were a few things I had to learn: — I’m not a super warm and cuddly person in real life.

In fact, people have said that it can be hard to get to know me.

Before I met my husband, I dated a bunch of not-nice guys.

I peppered in a few nice guys here and there, but I think I was so insecure and unhappy at that time that I either drove those good guys away or grew bored of their niceness.

Even more, you don’t get to take your crappy mood out on him or you’ll end up hurting him. Real-life nice guys are kind to strangers, warm with friends and probably give a lot of their time and energy to many people.

A nice guy doesn’t have a bad-boy exterior to hide behind when you’re being prickly, so do whatever you can to be kind and warm. This can take some getting used to if you’re used to dysfunction and the insular world of the so-called Bad Boy.

If you’ve lived in chaos most of your life, or if you’ve had abuse or a lot of drama in past relationships, you’re probably going to be really uncomfortable with the sense of ease that comes from being in a healthy relationship with a nice guy.He wants to hold you when you need holding, and lift you up when you’re down…but he’s not going to be your crutch, and it’s unfair to try to make him into one.I am also quite confident and he's really on the shy side. I've been on two dates with a guy, who I've been speaking to for about a month.He's really polite and kind to the point it makes me cringe. I'd rather pick a genuinely real nice guy over a bad boy all the time.

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