Dating after death of wife
But when I look at my digital options, I feel overwhelmed by even the seemingly small issues that arise all the time.
Most of the formerly married people I see online are divorced.
I cried as I deleted the last profile, though I didn’t know if it was from relief or something else. “I know he’s out in the universe cheering me on,” I said to a friend later that night. Before we started dating, Shawn was my friend, and he used to offer me dating advice.
I wonder what he’d say about my tragic forays into the dating world.
I guess that encapsulates why it is so difficult to date a widow, especially a young one like me whose loss is so new. Though I see his continuing presence in my life as a beautiful morning mist that surrounds me with love, I worry that my potential dates will see it as a murky haze that makes real communication impossible.
Maybe the real problem is that any affection I might feel for another man would always be shared, at least in some way. But most of the men in my potential dating pool are not widowed, and thus, it can feel impossible to explain how I might be able to move forward with someone new while also keeping a piece of my heart with my late husband.
I spent hours trying to figure out what to put in the forms online. First of all, a new date needs to know my status, which is likely to mean that I end up telling a stranger about the worst thing that’s ever happened to me within a few hours of meeting him. “I believe in God,” the man said, “but not a God that intervenes here on Earth.” “I agree,” I said, “because otherwise, why the fuck is my husband dead?
But as I thought about whether to actually make my profile live, the bigger question remained unanswered. Even if I manage to communicate that I am a widow before the first date, a load of baggage remains. ” Not surprisingly, it had the effect of stopping all conversation. This type of behavior — speaking before I could really think about my response — is something I found is common for many widows.
How could I be honest about who I was and what I wanted but also attract the kind of guy I’d actually want to know? Recently, I met a handsome stranger and we got to talking about religion and spirituality.
I bet he’d smile and have a good joke ready to help me feel better about it all.
The death of a spouse presents challenges that the death of a relationship does not, although both have the same result -- you are left alone.
“Please tell me it’s okay to find someone,” I said to no one in particular. I was widowed at 38 and had plenty of dating years ahead of me.
The problem was that I didn’t know anything about the modern world of dating I faced.