Dating a hiv person dating people at work

I was living in New York City with a boyfriend I'll call Matt when I was diagnosed with HIV. It was my first steady, long-term relationship, and we did what I used to think of as "grown-up" things.

Like having Sunday football parties or fighting in Home Depot about what color to paint an accent wall in our living room.

It feels like I have to twist someone's arm to see past my HIV viral load.

is not the greatest pick-up line, and it's certainly not great for my self-esteem.

I got lucky for a little while and seriously dated a man for about a year, though I had initially lied to him for two months about my status.

He forgave me and we worked through it, like grown-ups, and had a good time getting to know each other, but the insecurities that came along with the initial deceit led to more baggage than was healthy for either of us.

Not disclosing my status at first led to a lot of heartache and unnecessary hurt for both me and my partners when I eventually give them the "bad news." The 'bad news' was less about their risk of getting HIV and more about how I had deceived them, which is not an especially attractive quality in a mate.

Not only did it lead to drama, but it was also dangerous at times.

Dating with HIV, seriously or casually, is hard — even though it doesn't have to be.

We made complex weekday dinners to distract ourselves from the fact that we were both pretty bored with each other.

grown up, because I had never even been tested for HIV at my yearly checkup at Planned Parenthood, where I went for primary care.

I grew up during the HIV/AIDS crisis and should have known better, but as a heterosexual woman, I equated safe sex with not getting pregnant more than with getting an STI, let alone HIV. It's embarrassing to admit that now, but I really did ignorantly think sex was all fun and games.

For me, "dating," was basically a euphemism for casual sex.

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